How do you deal with your problems? Do you place blame on other people and find fault through criticism, humiliation and accusations? Or do you take accountability and responsibility for your actions?
Everyone in their lifetime will make a mistake, but it is how they handle their mistakes that will also help determine their success. According to Dr. Alasko the author of “Beyond Blame,” there are two functions of blame,
(1) finding fault with another person or group.
(2) transferring responsibility onto someone else.
Both of these functions use four components; criticism, accusation, punishment, and humiliation so they can .
1) change someone’s behavior;
2) to vent a feeling;
3) to escape personal responsibility; and
4) to protect ourselves.
But what frequently happens with blame is more conflict, anger, sadness and isolation. Blame takes you away from problem solving. Blame keeps you in the pattern of self destruction. Blame stunts your growth and success because it gives you immediate gratification.
Think about a time you blamed someone. Human beings do it all the time. I’m fat because I don’t have time to exercise. If johnny wasn’t so lazy he could be a star quarterback on the NFL team. If my child wasn’t so rude I wouldn’t lose my temper etc. When you start to blame other people for your feelings ask your self the following questions;
What actions did you take to resolve the issue? Did it make you feel better in the long term. Did it help you make constructive changes? Did you become bitter and shut of from the world? Did it help you make you a better person?”
Eckhart Tolle said it best when he stated “Whenever something negative happens to you, there is a deep lesson concealed within it
In order to make changes, you must first take responsibility and accountability for your actions. Ask yourself what role you might have played to create this problem? Do you tend to know everything? Are you judgmental? Do you shut down? Do you shout? Do you make excuses etc.
Try to look at the situation from a third party perspective. What would this person say if they were on the outside? What would they say to you? What do you need to do differently?
Remember Blame has it purposes, but what are your intentions when you are blaming people and how is it helping you move forward and create a harmonious life?