As a mother it is normal to want a relationship with your teen daughter and to want her to come to you with her problems. However, this is usually the time the teenager is trying to separate and find her own identity. In my experience, mothers and daughters want the same thing, a close and loving relationship. Yet due to changes, communication gets lost in transit. Below is a letter from a teenage girl to her mother expressing her feelings. This letter eloquently depicts the struggle and turmoil of a teenage girl seeking her mothers validation, while trying to discover her own Identity.
My Mom angers me, frustrates me, and annoys me. But she also makes me feel happy and loved. She made me who I am, and for that, I will always be grateful.
Tomorrow I have an operation. I’m nervous. So throughout the day, my Mom kept telling me not to get my hopes up. I kept telling her that this person wouldn’t let me down, “it’s my operation tomorrow.” I believed that no matter what, he would come. I was wrong. I called my friend crying. Little did I know, my Mom heard me talking and crying to my friend via my baby brother’s intercom. When I finished my conversation, she entered my room with a cup of tea, Oreos, hugged me and then left again. I didn’t need to tell her what was wrong, she didn’t ask, she knew. It’s funny, but moms always know what’s going to happen, they always seem to be one step ahead.
As teenagers, we don’t always want to listen to what you have to say. We moan when you ask us about our life. We say “Stop being so nosey” or “I am allowed a private life.” Then when you don’t ask we say “You never ask about me,or you don’t care”. Truth is, you are never going to win, because even we never quite know what we want. We are indecisive, we are confusing and we are no angels – but the truth is, no child is an angel.
So please don’t be offended, when we don’t want to participate in the same boring talk everyday. You know the one, “how was college” “did you have a nice day,” “who did you hang out with,” etc. Yes we know you are trying to connect, but honestly it can be very boring. So try finding out something new about us every day, or tell us something new. I love being told weird facts like “a cucumber is 97% water” (I think that’s correct) My Mom has never done that, but if she did it would be amazing.
When my Mom is mad at me, I say “One day, you will tell this story to your grandchildren and you’ll be laughing about it” it’s true. Everyone gets mad and moody but as your child we don’t want to hear about our mistakes every day. We don’t always need a lecture!!! We just sometimes need you to listen. We know how tough it is out there. The silent treatment is HORRIBLE, honestly… I don’t think I could ever ignore my children (If I had any), no matter how mad I was at them so I don’t appreciate it when my parents do that to me.
Moms get offended easily, all the time (You’ll probably read that and say “no we don’t!) Haha I am here to say “yes you do.” We don’t mean to offend you, it just comes out or it comes out the wrong way. I have put my Mom through some stuff but honestly, she hasn’t put me through anything negative. I’m grateful for the chores I had to do because now I can look after children, cook and clean which all my other 18 year old friends can’t do. I’m grateful for the curfews because now I enjoy being able to come home whenever I want on a night out, if it was always like that it would just be “normal” not fun. At the time I wasn’t grateful for these curfews. The odd rule will be broken and the odd curfew will also be broken but like I said it’s not the end of the world. So please learn to take a breath. Chores and rules aren’t the end of the world, so don’t be mad if we want to lie in bed all day and only come downstairs for food and pop. We all need a time out. It is our chance to figure out who we are and what we like. We cant do that if we are constantly in motion 7 days a week from 7am in the morning to 10-11pm at night trying to be “perfect. Let us make mistakes.
All moms are different, different people, different out looks on life. One Mom may agree with one thing that you allow your child to do and another Mom may completely disagree with your style of parenting. But it doesn’t matter what other mothers do, because I would much rather my Mom do what she thinks is best for ME.
I think my Mom proved today that silence can speak louder than words, she didn’t have to say a single thing to me to know that she loves me more than anything in the world. Thank you. Moms make mistakes but so do we. Isn’t that how we learn about life?
What I want you to know is this…” knowing that you will be there on every path we take in life is comforting. So try not to worry too much, because in the end, we will eventually find our own way,”
And oh yea…We really, really hate the “I told you so“.